After being married for a little over 4 years, my husband and I decided we were finally ready to begin trying to have a baby. With a new year upon us and the fact that I was going to turn 37 later in the year, we realized if we ever wanted children we had to start trying right away.
Our family and friends were surprised that we waited so long to try, especially since I was already 32 when we got married. We originally did not start trying right away because I had begun a new job that was rather demanding two months before our November wedding. The next year proved to be an incredibly busy and in many ways overwhelming year.
In December, around the holidays, my husband and I both came down with the flu (H1N1) and it really wore us out as we started the new year. Then in February, I had kidney stones and had an operation to remove them.
Around this time we learned that we would not be able to renew the lease on our apartment and were going to need to move out in June. We did not think it made sense to move for a year to a new apartment, so we decided we would start searching for our first home. As you may know, buying a house is very stressful and between looking at new homes, completing all of the paperwork and tracking down the documentation the mortgage company needs, and packing up and moving everything. Then once you are finally moved in you need to unpack everything.
We also were moving from an apartment to a house and were missing a lot of furniture for our home, so we also spent a lot of time at consignment stores and estate sales looking for furniture for our home. And while we loved our house, we ripped up the carpet and put in wood floors in the family room and then painted multiple rooms in the house. We moved into our house in May, so we quickly had a lot to learn about taking care of our yard and garden.
Again around the same time, the brand I was managing at my new job started to have quality issues with its key product. Work went from being demanding to overwhelming as I began working 12+ hour weekdays and 8+ hours on Saturday and Sunday to keep up with the workload that comes with completely reformulating a product and reworking all new marketing pieces in a short period of time. In addition, while all of this work was going on I was also working with my team to develop new products for our upcoming line reviews with our retailers.
Luckily the line reviews went really well and one of the retailers took almost every new product my team developed. However, that meant we would once again be extremely busy preparing for the launch. Finally a year and a half after our wedding, my work load settled down a little.
Around this time my husband and I discussed trying to conceive but at this point he became very hesitant about having children. Work had been keeping me so busy that we did not have all that much time together. Adding a baby into the equation would leave us with very little free time together he felt.
Additionally, he had a brother diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Scientist believe there is a genetic component, so my husband was incredibly worried about having a child that would also be on the Autistic Spectrum. While he loves his brother very much, it really was demanding on the family and he found that he had to grow up at a very young age helping take care of his brother. It was something he was really worried about going through again.
In the meantime I thought I was close to being able to get a promotion due to great success with my launch at work. Since I worked in a male dominated industry, I thought getting pregnant would delay the promotion I wanted so badly and knew I deserved. So I began working longer hours again. Work drained my energy and I began to feel I did not have the bandwidth to take care of another human being.
Finally after getting my promotion, getting on a more normal work schedule, and my husband realizing how important it was for me to have a baby, we were finally ready to begin conceiving.
Unfortunately by this time I was 36 and I would be turning 37 later that same year. After 6 months of trying to conceive on our own we were still not pregnant and decided to embark on fertility testing. Pretty quickly I was diagnosed with Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR) which is a condition where my ovaries contain fewer eggs and/or I have lower quality eggs. DOR makes natural conception difficult and even reduces the chances of conceiving with in vitro fertilization (IVF) and other fertility treatments.
As I began my infertility journey, I wanted to learn more about other people’s journeys. However, I have found that this is a topic many people are not comfortable sharing with others. I have been very honest about my infertility with everyone from the very beginning and feel that it is important to share my experiences and learnings during this journey. I want others to realize they are not alone, there is nothing wrong with them, and while it will be a challenge, we can do this together. I will be writing multiple posts about the topic so please come back to learn more.